Actual forgiveness from others MAY come after an initial rapprochement (see Blog 49).
After having acquired some sober/clean time, it is only natural that we should hope for forgiveness from some of the people we have harmed. (This will not always be forthcoming, of course).
Steps 8 and 9 are not early steps for good reasons. Before we get to these steps, we must be clear with respect to what our transgressions were, what our character defects are, what we are making amends for and what we are being forgiven for (if we are to be forgiven at all). This is the purpose of Steps 4-7.
Before making amends to people (Steps 8 and 9), a behaviour change should already have started. We are attempting to be better people. Forgiveness from others is possible because our former behaviour was influenced by a disease. Most of us are not sociopaths. Forgiveness from others is therefore deserved (and possible) IF our behaviour changes. Obtaining lasting forgiveness (if it occurs at all) can therefore only occur in good Recovery.
Forgiveness unfortunately may not always take place: some of the people we have hurt may not forgive us. Forgiveness is something that can’t be expected. Overtures may simply fall on deaf ears. Some people may be sick themselves and may not be able to change (forgive). If they are sick, it is not for us to “fix” them. We should not take it personally. It is not our problem, once we have made a proper amend and have cleaned our side of the street, as it were.
Forgiveness may however come on a gradual basis as the injured party realizes upon further reflection that he/she has underestimated our Recovery.
And remember: if enough people like us, the rest don’t really matter.
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