Although not all addicts/alcoholics are independently addicted to chaos, some of us seem to have this trait or tendency prior to developing substance dependency and even in Recovery; it is probably worthwhile examining the role chaos may play in our lives.
This blog is not meant to paint all addicts/alcoholics with the same brush: we are not identical.
One thing is certain, however: everyone who suffers from addiction has experienced some chaos at some time and to some degree. It is part and parcel of the disease of addiction. Doing what you want regardless of the consequences is the very definition of chaos. It is the unmanageability referred to in the second part of Step 1. Chaos is also part and parcel of early Recovery: all addicts/alcoholics can relate to this aspect of chaos.
For some of us however, chaos may have played an independent part prior to our addiction and it may continue to play a part in our Recovery (even advanced Recovery) if we’re not careful. In other words, for some of us, chaos takes on a life of its own.
For some of us, chaos may be a reflection of our personality. We may feel that chaos makes life “exciting”. We may fear boredom and routine. We may feel an attraction to the unpredictable, the unmanageable. We may have a predisposed aversion to a structured life and to schedules.
Some of us may come from chaotic families and chaotic childhoods. Maybe we have never known anything else. In this context, substance misuse may be a dysfunctional coping mechanism for chaos. Chaos in our upbringing may have made us stronger in some ways, more resilient and resourceful. But it also desensitizes us to such an extent that we may subconsciously seek to create new chaos in our Recovery.
Chaos cannot be the norm for Recovery because good decisions can’t be made in chaotic times. Recovery must include a certain measure of predictability, daily routine and structure, a daily schedule. We, as recovering addicts/alcoholics, need to think before we act. The H.A.L.T. acronym (Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired) is useful here: these four conditions or states, if ignored, lead to chaos and ultimately to relapse. In Recovery, chaos should scare us. Our sponsor needs to be predictable, reliably available and consistent. In Recovery, we come to enjoy routine and responsibility.
In true Recovery, “being busy” does not imply a chaotic lifestyle. In Recovery, we set limits and boundaries: we understand that only excessive and uncontrolled “busyness” is chaotic. With the routine of Recovery, one can be busy AND efficient at the same time, because our “busyness” is not ruled by chaos.
Under stress, all addicts/alcoholics tend to revert to former patterns of coping. Those of us with a special predilection for chaos will revert to chaos when stressed. Therefore, those of us with chaotic tendencies can use the reemergence of chaos in our lives as an early warning sign of impending relapse. In good Recovery, understanding chaotic impulses (in those of us predisposed to them) can help prevent relapse.
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