Codependence is often associated with spouses/partners of addicts/alcoholics. However, since this is a blog site devoted to substance dependency with a particular emphasis on the health professions (a vocation particularly susceptible to codependence), I will confine my remarks to codependence as it manifests itself in addicts/alcoholics, with a particular emphasis on health professionals.
What is codependence?
Simply put, it is the excessive preoccupation with the needs of others. It is the need to be needed. It is people-pleasing. In codependence, one’s happiness depends on the wellbeing of others. It is easy to see how this can apply to and become a problem for the health professionals. In short, other people’s emotions influence the emotions of the person afflicted with codependence.
This state of mind / mode of behaving is often learned in the childhood home environment (a typical genesis for this condition might be a child having to continuously placate an angry abusive parent or caring for a chronically sick relative).
The individual receiving the care of the codependent person often takes advantage of the situation. The codependent family caregiver &/or spouse &/or health care worker inevitably also has poor boundaries (see Blog 40 which deals with boundaries).
The codependent person who depends on the approval of others will often feel guilt and shame as predominant emotions when either this approval from others is denied or there is outright criticism of the caregiving being provided or the codependent person feels that he/she has failed in some way in pleasing others.
It is easy to understand how drugs/alcohol can be used to quell such emotions temporarily and maladaptively. This can be a pathway for the development of substance dependency in some alcoholics/addicts. Vulnerable populations for this scenario include health care professionals.
What can be done about it?
Getting clean and sober is of course the first step for the alcoholic/addict.
RECOGNIZING codependence is the next step, since codependence often goes unrecognized by the sufferer for years, if not decades. Self-awareness thus is essential. Without this self-recognition, none of the following strategies are possible.
Al-Anon/Nar-Anon are organizations that specialize in codependence. Get a sponsor in Al-Anon/Nar-Anon. Start working the Steps of Al-Anon/Nar-Anon with the help of this sponsor. These are some of the best resources available to combat codependence.
Relationship counselling is necessary if a codependent relationship is to be transformed into a healthy one. Of course, cooperation of both partners is mandatory if this relationship has any chance of surviving at all.
Relationship termination is really the only other option if relationship counselling is unsuccessful. Sometimes, a relationship is so pathological that termination of this relationship represents the only option, once self-recognition of codependence is achieved.
The two great antidotes to codependence are: learning to love oneself and setting boundaries (see Blog 40). These are particularly difficult tasks for people who suffer from codependence and they require assistance from others (sponsors, counsellors, psychologists).
Remember: put yourself first and don’t take on other people’s responsibilities. You can’t be helpful to others unless you put yourself first! This flies in the face of certain teachings, but careful consideration and implementation of this (apparently narcissistic but vital) principle will demonstrate its essential truth and wisdom.
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