Anger and Rage

In many ways, anger and/or rage can be considered to be the reverse face of depression; anger and rage can be tremendously destructive, especially in the context of addiction. The most important thing to remember about anger/rage is not to act on it. Our jails are filled with people who acted out on their anger. Had they waited a few seconds, minutes, days, or weeks, they would have acted differently with a far better outcome. Almost every one of these victims of impulse wishes he/she had waited for the emotion to pass, which would have enabled them to choose a better course of action.

The question is what to do during the seconds/minutes/hours/days or longer that rage holds us in its grip.

1. JUST BE AWARE first and foremost that people, especially addicts, are extremely vulnerable in this state. One is completely irrational, prone to actions that are sudden and destructive and that can be life-changing (not in a good way). In a matter of seconds, a raging person can turn years of good deeds into a prison sentence or worse.
2. BE AWARE that “this too shall pass”. The anger/rage will eventually abate and when it does, it is virtually certain that a new, rational perspective will emerge. What should we do while waiting for this to happen?
3. All of the bullet points in the previous blog on Depression apply here, in particular: a) Increased meeting attendance during this vulnerable period; b) Reaching out to others in the program in order to “vent” (addicts/alcoholics know a lot about anger and can help); c) Participate in service work to take one’s mind off one’s own problems; d) Exercise – to let off steam. All of these measures buy some time until the anger gradually abates on its own, as it inevitably does. The trick is to get there without doing something stupid – including relapsing!

I’ve concentrated on the most serious possible consequences of rage, which include violence and relapse. Less spectacular, but potentially damaging to all kinds of relationships, is the unkind word spoken in anger. During the period of rage, it is extremely important to hold one’s tongue, if at all possible, using the same techniques described above. Angry words spoken during these periods of rage are rarely representative of what one feels once the stormy period has subsided.

While Recovery fellowships tell us that we cannot afford to be angry or resentful, the FEELING of anger/rage/fury/resentments most often is not a choice. It is best to anticipate that it can happen, and be ready for it, rather than deny its existence, and suffer the undesired consequences of unacknowledged rage.